Anne at our place last May. Middle: Anne and Ben.
She was living alone in her splendid Annex penthouse for nearly two years after the death of her much-loved husband Ben Viccari. “When Ben died, I died,” she was fond of saying. Anne always gowned up and pitched in at the many galas, fundraisers and public events that Ben was so much part of, but he was the instigator and she a supporter. Without Ben’s lead, Anne’s life narrowed and her sense of purpose ebbed. She had done so much to keep Ben going into his nineties, but her work was done.
Long time friends kept in touch and she was always an honoured guest at the annual awards dinners held by the Canadian Ethnic Media Association, where Ben had served as President. Her two daughters, Beverleigh and Cheryl did everything they could for her… especially Beverleigh during the last, difficult months. Cheryl lives out of town but still managed to come to Toronto, stay overnight and take Anne out on shopping trips, even while struggling with health issues of her own. Ben’s kids were good, too, taking her out for dinner and being there for her.
None of it really helped. Anne was lonesome, largely by choice, but that’s the way it goes sometimes. Strong-willed and determined, Anne had brought her two young daughters to Canada after the Second World War. Her Canadian RAF pilot husband had died in a plane crash and she was on her own. It wasn’t easy starting over in a new country, supporting a family as a single mother. She found steady work in the banking business and did everything independently until she met and married Ben in the late 1960s. The two of them lived in that big penthouse apartment for over 40 years.
I’ll miss Anne’s stories of the way things were done in Britain during her girlhood and the war years. She was good looking and had an eye for the boys as much as they did for her. Romance was all quite proper, though and Anne lived up to her responsibilities as one of Boots Chemists “fine young ladies”. She had her standards, too. No dances with enlisted men… it was officers for Anne… air force officers, preferably.
For all her good looks and her flair for fashion, Anne was always shy. Outgoing Ben was a perfect mate for her, drawing her into whirls of activities and social events that she thoroughly enjoyed, as long as Ben was with her. By the same token, Anne’s practical bent and her work ethic made her a big asset when organizational help was needed.
Anne didn’t have an easy life, especially during the single years in Toronto, but she was tough enough to handle things as she had to. In the end, I think her strong will allowed her to make her exit on her own terms. In her mid 80s, Anne had become frail and suffered a couple of falls at home. She was in pretty rough shape in St. Michael’s trauma unit and would have needed long term palliative care after being discharged from the hospital. She wan’t having any of that… and she died last night, April 16th.
At Anne’s request, there will be no public funeral service. The immediate family will just have a private memorial gathering. There will be an obituary notice in the Toronto Star next Saturday, though, Beverleigh says.
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Hard to believe there will be no more Ben and Anne stories. But Ben’s 92 years and Anne’s 86 have given us much to celebrate and to remember. Memories eternal….
I am saddened to hear about your very Special friends…I know they had very nice friends through those very difficult times….I gather they really loved each other ..What more would one want ? I never knew them but I know they were Special!!
Kathleen
So sad to hear about the passing of your friend Anne. You two were always so kind to her. I wish I had had the opportunity to meet her. Thinking of you….Anna
I just wanted to show my appreciation and say Thank you for writing this blog about my Great Grandmother.
-Jeny
What a nice surprise to find your comment, Jeny. Thanks for leaving it. Sorry you’ve lost your great grandmother. We are going to miss her, too.
I’m sorry that I didn’t have the privilege of meeting Anne and Ben. May they rest in peace.
My family was instramental in holding it all together in the early years on Ann’s entry to the Canadian life. I remember so much of the visits the Christmas gettogethers and talks we had
What a lovely tribute – like my cousin Hugh, I knew Anne through our parents at parties back in the 60’s – she was always the “belle of the ball”! A grand lady who will be missed, but now she is together with her beloved Ben. May they rest in peace.
Thank you so much Bill and Donna for being so so very kind to my Mom…she always shared your visits with me. My son wrote a tribute called the “tough ole bird”, which is on my facebook page – a great tribute to his grandmother and family to be shared. I will never forget April 16th as it was the first time I ever cried without my Mom.
Thanks for leaving your message, Beverleigh. The note about April 16th is touching.
Dear Bill:
Thanks for such a great tribute to Anne. You’ve captured her so well Bill and her struggle to carry on after my father’s death 2 years ago. My father would have been so happy to know of my brother Paul and his family’s devotion to their Nina. Aaron would drive over to pick her up and bring her home for dinner and Susi, Claire or Camille would stop by her apartment after work to bring her favourite Thai food. During my last visit with her in St. Mike’s I told Anne that I was keeping her close friends, Claude & Margaret Jones, updated on her condition. I asked her what I should tell them and she replied ” Tell them I’m dying” and then gave a little laugh. Anne was a brave soul who loved my father very much. Even though we miss her we are happy she’s now at peace.
Yes, Brenda, Anne always told me when she’d been taken out to dinner and it was good to see how often you all spent time with her. Thanks for leaving your comment here… especially that “tell them I’m dying”. How very Anne.
It’s so wonderful to see all of these responses. In the initial posting, I thought it was interesting to see that the saying of hers “I died when Ben died” was included. I feel like as much as she said that, she became more alive to me than ever because I learned more about her as an individual in the few years since Papa’s passing then before. All of our older relatives have such a rich and interesting history that we should try to learn about before their first hand accounts are lost to us forever. I miss Nina very much, but will always hold her stories and strength with me for the rest of my life.
Thank you, Claire. I’m glad you found your way here and added your comment.
Roy was Ben’s first cousin and always enjoyed his company and found him full of fun. We met Anne on two occasions firstly in the 1970’s when she and Ben stayed with us. She was very sweet with our handicapped son John who was a holy terror at that time and he thought she was great. In the year 2000 we stayed with Ben and Anne when we had a holiday in Canada and Alaska and she made us very welcome. We met Ben’s daughter Brenda at that time and have enjoyed keeping in touch with them and seeing them when they are in England.
Thanks for adding to the comments, Roy and Rosemary. I remember Anne’s mentioning of her visit to you and yours to Canada. I especially appreciate your note about how well Anne got along with John.