This just in from the I.M.P. Newswire …
Teacher Arrested At London Heathrow Airport – held in isolation.
A secondary school teacher was arrested today at London’s Heathrow International airport as he attempted to board an international flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a pair of compasses, a slide-rule and a calculator.
At a press conference, a UK Border Control spokesman said he believes the man is a member of the notorious extremist Al-Gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the Police with carrying weapons of maths instruction.
‘Al-Gebra is a problem for us’, the Spokesman said. ‘They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.’ They use secret code names like “X” and “Y” and refer to themselves as “unknowns;” but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philosopher Isosceles used to say, “There are three sides to every triangle.”
When asked to comment on the arrest, Opposition Leader Ed Milliband said, “If God had wanted us to have better weapons of maths instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes.” Fellow Labour colleagues told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the Opposition Leader.